How To: Win Four Weddings

This summer I have been obsessed with watching Four Weddings , which conveniently starts at the same time I get home from the lab! It’s no secret that the brides are super picky and complain about the smallest things. It’s actually pretty hilarious that they always pair brides with opposite personalities; the other night one bride expressed her dislike of cupcakes while the other bride gushed over the fact she was having unique cupcakes at the reception . Disagreement always makes for good television.

Anyways, after watching countless episodes I wanted to compile a little list tips to win Four Weddings in case you ever find yourself in such a situation ūüôā


  1. Make sure it’s not hot.¬†If the other brides get even a little sweaty during your ceremony they will complain about it relentlessly and it will set a bad tome for the rest of the day! Invest in fans and air conditioning.
  2. Always recite handwritten vows. For some reason the brides on this show tend to love when the bride and groom write their own vows. Bonus points if you can get your man to tear up as he professes his love for you. (Double bonus points if you have a funny officiant.)
  3. Have oodles of food at your cocktail hour.¬†For some reason the brides never get a bite to eat before making their way to the wedding so by the time cocktail hour rolls around they are CRAVING food and will heavily complain if you don’t have enough fast enough.
  4. God forbid you make your guests wait in line.  
  5. Sit down dinners over¬†buffet style.¬†As long as you have a few choices for the sit down dinner, the other brides will be happy they don’t have to wait in line.
  6. Two words: Dessert Bar. Whenever the bride has a dessert table at the wedding the other brides tend to get very excited and go a bit overboard at the table.
  7. Party atmosphere, but not a nightclub.¬†If you want to win you have to make it so that the other brides want to dance but feel comfortable doing so. On the other end of the spectrum, don’t play oldies music or else they will fall asleep.
  8. Carry¬†through with the theme.¬†The brides don’t seem to be too harsh on the decor as a whole, but if you have a theme those ladies will hold you accountable to that theme down to the toilet seat covers. So make it easy for yourself and don’t make your theme Peacocks in Moscow unless you really know how to carry that out..
  9. No gimmicks.¬†No fire shows or Elvis impersonators, the brides will think it’s tacky and will down the scores later.
  10. Wear a unique dress. 
  11. Make them feel the love between you and your spouse. 
  12. Sabotage.¬†If you know your wedding won’t hold a candle to Mary Sue’s 75K reception, pretend their is hair in your Chicken Marsala and complain incessantly so that the other two brides will be forced to complain and nit pick too!
  13. BONUS: Don’t have a Sunday wedding. They complain every time.¬†
  14. BONUS 2: Don’t have¬†plastic¬†anything.¬†

As you can see the key to winning is minimizing complaints from the other brides. Follow these tips and you will be well on your way to that fabulous honeymoon getaway with that dude you married. Good luck!

-The Sarcastic Pre-Med